return

Some people I know were sharing their handles on ravelry, so I did too. Which prompted me check out my ravelry profile. Which has a link to this blog. (I can't remember why I did that.) Which is how I came to return here after an absence of almost five years. 

It is nice to return here. To spend a few minutes mulling over just a few words and thoughts, to put them down here, in my own personal space but  not secreted away. I have few secrets these days. I have few new things to report. Not much has changed everything has changed not much has changed. This glorious wonder happened almost four years ago:

it was almost 4 years ago and i still can't even deal.

Among many wonderful virtues that cause me to gush and beam, this magnificent person absorbs as much time and energy as I have to give. Things that fed my ruminations, turning them into fears that I'd squirrel away from others or myself. Without extra time and energy, it is hard to manufacture new secrets. Without extra time and energy, I find it difficult to imagine things I want to put out into the void of a blog rather than share with the other people who have a direct hand in supporting us.

So, I don't know if I will continue here, but if I can fall out of the habit perhaps I can fall back in as well. Maybe the blog habit is like an elastic snap, you can return but not to the same degree, the energy has been mainly spent. Maybe it is like a snap bracelet, no real difference from the first time but it smarts a bit. Maybe it is like a last tryst after a breakup, full of hope that things will be bright and new but really it flickers and finally burns down low and out.