it's not right, but it's okay.

okay, maybe i don't feel quite that bad. but i am looking forward to being sniffle and sneeze free. i've spent the last four days hydrating frequently, sleeping longer than usual, conserving energy where possible, eating healthfully (minus a few extraneous apple cider donuts), standing in the steamy shower a few extra minutes, and although i am feeling better i'm not quite breathing easy yet.

more than that, of course, i'm looking forward to seeing my far-flung family and farther flung friends in just a few days. there is nothing that will feel better than being surrounded by all that love and support on saturday while nate and i marry each other.

sidebar: yet another reason nate is the one for me: he aims for balance in his life. like, right this minute, he is simultaneously stretching and eating from a big bag of potato chips.

96 hours

this work week, these past 96 hours, has been full of days of exhaustion. i've come home, followed my normal routine (change, knit, eat, read) and then passed out cold before nate's even come close to the bedroom. it's more than high time to recharge my batteries. and i couldn't be luckier: my last minute request to take a day off tomorrow has been granted, and leads me into two days in maine to relax with friends and go white water rafting for the first time in years, and then the holiday off to enjoy a leisurely morning and then a bike ride with friendly folk.

besides considering how the immediate future will far outweigh the immediate past, today i was able to make headway with some work tasks and wedding tasks. take that, thursday. and suck it, work week. i am done with you.

although my erratic presence here won't be much affected, i'm going offline starting tomorrow morning and i'm looking forward to the separation. it will be nice to get away, and really get my brain away, too.

back groovin'

it was a good day at work, nate and i met afterwards at a local jewlery shop and ordered our wedding rings (holy moly!), i enjoyed some knitting and a sandwich, then went off to dance class, my first since the muscle tear on march 19th of last year. and honey made my return all the sweeter by having us get down to prince, michael jackson, and some old funk. now i've got a plate full of fruit and a bed ready and waiting, and soon the weekend will be calling my name.

file under: can only handle my own generation's mistakes

kids and their music these days... justin bieber was enough to make me feel old. but i just heard some news that makes me feel even older: i am two years younger than his mom. yowch.

couple that with the question my friend fielded as a guest teacher at some workshop this morning ("does 'fo shizzle' count as slang?") and i am about to wave my little white flag and ask for mercy.

best remedy may be to go hang out with some friends from childhood and revert to immature jokes, nicknames, drinking habits, etc. that might be enough to make me forget how old i am, and forget how to act my age. good thing i have a high school friend's wedding to attend tomorrow. i hope there's really good-bad 80s music at the reception.

sick dream

after a successful mid-distance bike ride on saturday, i felt crummy the rest of the weekend. i thought it might be allergies because air quality was supposedly pretty nasty. but symptoms kept piling on and i was feeling quite bad by sunday late afternoon.

monday morning i dreamt dad took my temperature with an old-fangled mercury thermometer (don't tell - but i never traded mine in for a new electronic one), and the mercury steadily rose and rose and rose until it hit the very tip of the thermometer, and in anxiety i clenched my jaw and my teeth bit through the thermometer end leaving me fragments of broken glass and rivulets of mercury in my mouth. "that's it, i'm taking you to the hospital," dad said. i quickly swabbed at my tongue with a paper towel before we left for the ER.

i woke from the dream, and went to bathroom to take my temperature, careful not to tense any facial muscles. although it wasn't high, i did have an elevated temperature. that information coupled with my other symptoms and lack of vivacity, i made the decision to stay home from work and rest.

last night i slept almost 9.5 hours and, according to nate, sweat myself silly. but i did not have another sick dream, thankfully. what's worse than a dream that gives you no relief of your reality? like dreaming you are waking up late only to wake from that dream and find you are late. it's like being kicked before you even realized you were down to begin with.

it's bike to work week here in massachusetts. and by golly, i biked myself to work today. i'm now questioning the wisdom of my choice as my self-rated energy/overall wellbeing percentage started this morning at 87% and dropped to 65% by the time i got here. i've already attended to the most pressing tasks and am fighting the urge to put my head down. lunchtime may become naptime. a peaceful dream-free naptime, i hope.

a lovely week

[warning: i am link-happy today]

this is turning into quite a lovely week. it started out with completing the final assignment for my developmental psychopathology course, and the rushing wave of relief that accompanied my submission of it to the course dropbox. although my work schedule meant i wouldn't be able to make it to the confirmation of olivia, nate's cousin, i had the good luck of making the guestlist for a taza chocolate tasting/marketing event in cambridge last night, and took katy as my plus one. katy and i made plans to meet up again tonight at diesel so i can benefit from her help while i start working on a new knitting project: calorimetry. i've been listening to great free music from the npr music website, from a short playlist by johnny rotten, to live performances by the emerson string quartet and charlotte gainsbourg. i've had delicious and lovingly prepared food at home, worked and stretched my muscles out of complacency, and am about to dive deep into a new book. we had extra hand soap under the sink when i though we were running low, and we have a new houseplant.

this is a week worthy of using as a standard. all other weeks please take note: you will be expected to live up to this one, so go ahead and make any appropriate adjustments so i will not be disappointed. thank you.

(and, button jar - you, too, should pay attention. make your location known to me or suffer a downgrade in my estimation. thank you.)

picking and choosing

i gave myself a hiatus from ffv in order to focus more laser-like on my out there in the world responsibilities. and my experiences over the last month have re-taught me the same lessons i learned in middle school: procrastination is not about using specific and familiar tools to distract myself but about an ever-flowing and imaginative stream of ideas in which i cast my net wide, catching all sorts of interesting flotsam and jetsam that i let distract me. and i hardly ever throw anything back. i can and will distract myself using anything i can. fortunately, all the things i needed and wanted to do have been done. and there were no all-nighters. i'm taking that as a step in the right direction.

apparently it's spring weekend on tufts campus. last night there was a posse of sturdy looking dudes in a backyard nearby playing a very loud drinking game that appeared at times to be a riff on baseball, or just organized chugging. unclear. the good news is that nobody puked on our yard, and nobody slept outside all night. the partying, actually i'm assuming it's partying when all i know is people are yelling a lot, started up again around 10am this morning. nate and i stayed up late last night entertaining ourselves with tv we normally don't watch (jimmy fallon and carson daly - yes, really) and i was kind of hoping to wake up around noon. these damn tufts kids. isn't college supposed to keep them all up partying late so they can amble out of bed in the midday sun looking for fried breakfasts? i now have an entire academic year's worth of evidence and proof that tufts kids don't know how to party.

it's a beautiful may morning and i'm thinking it's time to pot the bulbs i bought the other day, get some fresh air, test out my knee at some physical activity, maybe clean the house a bit. with the warmer and more hospitable air there's no end of things i want to do, places i want to go, and chores i'd like to accomplish. my interests and energies are coming out of hibernation, slowly but surely.

before i go out into the beautiful day, let me share a small slice of life from the dojo:
[late night, living room at the dojo. windows are open and fresh air is wafting through. the tv is on and nate and sarah are sprawled on the sofa after eating dinner and large portions of chocolate ice cream and strawberries.]
sarah: [farts]
nate: do i have to marry that part of you?

to do list

- stop messing around
- start taking things seriously
- get 8 hours of sleep each night
- eat more protein
- take multivitamin every day
- scrub behind my ears
- thank katy for lending me her hoopty on tuesday
- also find out which cd of hers i was listening to
- drink more water
- tell family i love them, even when we don't see eye-to-eye
- tell friends i love them, even when we don't see each other often
- tell nate i love him, even when he has stinky breath and steals the covers
- give myself more reading time and less noodling on the internetz time
- start online pet-naming business
- have some strawberries

pictures from andalucia: focus on moorish architecture

oh heyyyyy...

so i finally made a tabblo with some pictures from our time in andalucia. nate and i spent 8 days in southern spain, and enjoyed it all. we were particularly taken with our visits to alcazar in seville and alhambra in granada. most of the photos in the following set are from our visit to alcazar. we managed to stumble upon a marketplace for creche figurines as well as a marching band competition, a balloon-animal producing bunny, and a lady pirate. it was a good trip.

the preview is below. click to see all:

See my Tabblo>

busy

another warmish day in cambridge, calling for biking to work and high spirits all day. there's plenty going on here. i've got a new class in progress, and there's busy things a-foot at work, some home projects that require some attention, and errands and planning for the wedding in october. but, turns out none of those things are really fun to write about when they're all happening simultaneously. my brain and all other parts of me are distracted by everything going on and even i don't want to hear about it, so why write? and, how? with what extra reserve of time and energy? then add the olympics! almost every evening minute after work has been saturated by the coverage.

back to keeping my own counsel until i get more balance.

wheezy

today was gorgeous - sunshiney, warm, with that little kick to the air that resembled early spring. i took the opportunity the good weather presented and biked today. viola came out of the closet, and she was a sight for sore eyes. i forgot how much i missed my wheels. nate parked viola next to my new purple shimmery hoop and it was a purple love fest. i'm out of the practice of commuting under my own steam and thus found today's rides stressful and exhausting as well as exhilarating and fun. it's been 6 weeks since i last biked. another 6 weeks brings us to early march. i hope i'm biking more regularly before then. today my little currants of lungs got a slight workout and so now they are back to raisins. if the weather stays clear or if i work on my mojo for the gym i may get them back to prunes. one day, they may be real lungs again.

update in reverse

tomorrow: we leave at 7:44 a.m. for an extended weekend in palm springs, california to visit my dad's and gil's new home. we will hopefully sleep on the plane. the time change will be in our favor. we will hang out and enjoy weather twice as warm as it is here. we will hang out and sleep in. on sunday there will be something of a family reunion (15 of us in the same family tree!), and rachel will come all the way to see me and bring her boyfriend. there will be sleeping, eating, hanging out, more sleeping and more eating.

today: i got a trim at the new salon across the street from the salon i used to visit. it new salon has all of the stylists from the old salon. beauty mutiny! i got a trim and commiserated with the stylist about not being a morning person and paid them a bunch of money. in a few days i'll know if it was worth it. also, scantron had her baby - happy birthday to anna!

before today: our house got brand spankin' new, energy efficient, easy to clean windows. drafts are down by about 98%. a few missed percentage points due to a window not entirely suited for it's frame, near nate's side of the bed. we think a bit of caulking will do the trick. when i came home today, instead of a freezing house i got a comfortable but slightly cool house. it was warmer today than yesterday, but i think we're on to something here...

also before today: we celebrated lea's birthday with some good sibling fun and pizza time. we celebrated post-holidays with friends in freetown and came away from the yankee swap with a well curated gift of a machete and a ski mask. and i bought a sparkly purple adult-sized hula hoop. we celebrated the new year with friends in somerville, eating cheesy things and having some good conversations. we celebrated the holidays at two homes, enjoying company, food, and more good company.

before all that, we went on vacation in andalucia during which: i became addicted to lemon soda; in seville we found a fast food donut/bagel place, not to be confused with dunkin donuts, called "duffin dagels" ; we walked seville up and down and left and right of the guadalquivir river; we visited alcazares reales de sevilla which made me want to tile every surface i possibly could; we spent a couple of days in the seaside town of cadiz, walking along the coast and zig-zagging through the narrow streets; we saw the southernmost tip of spain at the windsurfing beach town of tarifa; we woke early to be the first people of the day on the top of the rock of gibraltar, where, looking out at africa, nate proposed and i said yes; we had "milkshakes" which were only bottled yoohoo-type beverages shaken by the shop keeper, which made us frown; we spent a few days in granada, particularly enjoying a meandering night stroll in the hilly neighborhood of albaicin and, of course, visiting alhambra; nate got very sick and sounded like he was going to either die or become tone loc; we splurged on one night at a fancy schmancy hotel in the small town of osuna, which makes its own olive oil, has a beautiful town square, and perhaps the world's worst pizza joint; we finally returned to seville, where nate continued to be sick, i continued to be obsessed with lemon soda, and we contemplated bringing home creche figures ranging in size from mini to mondo from the strangely huge holiday fair outside the cathedral selling only creche figures; we wished for more time in spain and came home looking forward to our next trip.

(oof. that's a mouthful. sorry. next time, a sampling of photos. some day soon.)

watching out

it came down last night. it's a white pre-christmas. and just in time so that everyone benefits from a good excuse for a lazy sunday, or perhaps a lazy sunday morning followed by lots of sunday shoveling. i've got some oatmeal, a clementine, a tiny bit of the mint brownies i made yesterday, a steaming mug of tea, and the perfect spot for watching the windy snow swirls out the window from a cuddly place on the couch.

lisa, in all her pregnant glory, braved the impending storm yesterday to be here for some crafty times. my sewing machine is unfathomable to me. despite getting it repaired, it is creating nothing for me but grief. still, we had a good time. we munched on the brownies and some homemade potato chips, got lots of prep work done for the curtains in her future baby's room, and enjoyed our time together. i gave her a 'how pregnant am i' test by having her stand up and try to see her toes. she failed to see her toes, and thus won the test: she is very pregnant. while sitting down to try out the sewing monster, the baby started to kick a little, and lisa grabbed my hand so i could feel the little foot in action. i cried a little - the tears just squirted right out. it was an amazing moment, and i felt honored she let me feel up her pregnant tummy.

today, i'm perfectly content to stay here, happily aware that we are all growing in all sorts of different ways, watching the shifts and drifts of the world outside. and contemplating the twists and turns, the beauty and hard work, the tears of overwhelming emotion and laughter of surprise and delight, the hard times and joyful times the new year will bring.

nate found the cable for downloading photos from my camera. day is saved! and i've created a tabblo of my first knitting project:

Katy taught me how to cast on and knit a garter stitch. In the course of one afternoon I managed to knit, very slowly, a few inches using her yarn, her needles, and relying on her instruction and help. A week later, I had used up the full ball of yarn on my first practice piece.

A few notes:
1. Knitting is addictive, fun, and satisfying
2. I'm more likely to create extra stitches rather than drop them.
3. It's really helpful to have people around to help as you get going. Especially to tell you to "spread them" while casting on, and to tell you about where to put your balls. ... See my Tabblo>

productivity

usually i: make it through work; putter around; and do alright.

today i: accomplished a boatload of work; did a significant amount of assigned reading; went to class; paid two forgotten credit card bills right before the payment due dates; repaired one broken hairpin, two necklaces, and one bracelet; took pictures of my first completed knitting project (if only i could find the cable to let me transfer them to the computer); watched a couple of television programs; and called my mother.

i don't want to take from this that a 3 p.m. cafe au lait and ginger cookie break makes me more productive, but the correlation is unavoidable.

here's how the rest of the year will go: i will work a day, go to a party in honor of a friend and her on-the-way-baby, go fabric shopping, do a lot of assignments, go back to work two days, go to class, go to work, pack, go see family for thanksgiving, come back, go to work for two days, go to class, go to work for two days, go to class, go to work, get on a plane heading east across the atlantic, be on vacation for 8 days, get back on a plane heading west this time, go to work two days, take a final, go to work two days, take another final, go to work, take a breath and figure out what the hell is going on, have a weekend at home, go to work four days and then it's christmas, then it's after christmas, then it's the new year.

holy crap.

Nora

i've been remembering some of my dreams more vividly over the past few days. over the weekend i had a series of dreams one night which, after telling to nate, clearly seemed all about ruining things for other people. this has been on my mind lately, so it makes perfect sense. i've not followed through on things i should have done for myself, i have skipped out of plans with friends without much warning, and i have not been the paragon of girlfriendliness that is my usual.

but, the dream that sticks out the most now i had two nights ago. in it, i was at a large theme-park with a very long slide. like topsfield fair on growth hormones. major growth hormones. the top of the slide looked down to little ants of people plodding back and forth between other amusements and various food vendors. i was there with some people, including nora, katy's niece. (nora was with us on my first visit to the fair, so that's not that strange. here's the strange part coming up:) i'm not sure if nora morphed into something else, or if she was something else all along, but when i talked to and looked over at nora, she was a candle. one of those little tiny birthday candles striped with colored and white wax. nora was blue and white. her wick was not lit, but i think it had been since it looked charred. to walk along with me to get to the head of the line she sort of pogo'd along, as one might imagine a candle doing it it needed to get place to place. almost like the candelabra in disney's version of beauty in the beast. and almost like those crazy CGI dollar bills in some add about money working for you. at some point nora stopped bouncing along, paused, dropped to her side on the ground and rolled her way ahead. smart girl, that nora. to take the slide, i had to hold nora the candle in my two hands in front of my chest. i talked to nora and she talked to me, but her voice was very quiet because there's not a lot of room in a candle to make much noise. i think it's the missing lungs that might be a problem. so anytime nora the candle wanted to talk to me, i would tell her to hold on, and i would lift her up to my ear. i was treating her wick like the sound came from there, but it was hard to tell. we rode down the slide for what felt like forever. down and down, and over a bump, and down and down some more.

i woke up before we reached the bottom of the slide.

road trip

just back home after a night drive from western mass back east. twisty dark roads, cups of tea and coffee, conversation, and a big and low orange moon. contentment is running high.

surprise

oh dear. i just found out in a very round-about way that there is a surprise in store for me. it's a birthday surprise. and... having checked the calendar just now... i see that both birthday and surprise are exactly three weeks from today. i am a horrible surprisee. just hearing about it and my face got all flushed and my stomach turned and tumbled.

it doesn't matter if the surprise is a big one (a finger monkey, a carnival just like at the end of annie -- and even my biggest enemy could come and ride the elephant and we could all be happy, a boat ride with samberg and t-pain) or a small one (a pat on the back, a piece of candy, a coupon from the sunday paper inserts). truly does not matter. any which way, it's a big deal to me.

i mentioned i am a horrible, horrible surprisee, didn't i?

this will drive me bonkers. absolutely crazy up and down walls, inside and out of my head. and, yes, i have been known to resort to cajoling, begging, whining, tantrum throwing, pleading, eyelash batting, needling, and any other activity i think may elicit information.

three weeks is a very long time. BUT. will it be longer for the surprisor, or the surprisee? time will tell.

i've been feeling out how it might be to take two classes this semester, only two weeks in and i'm getting my groove down. if i don't shoot myself in the foot by checking my favorite websites frequently like the 'net addict i can be, i might just find the time to do all my readings and assignments and come out just fine at the end. it also doesn't help that style network keeps airing programming of amazingly low quality but high entertainment value.

nate has been hard at work, getting into the thick of a time management book for technonerds. this one appears to resonate a bit more with him than "getting things done" ever did. is this attributable to the focus on core principles rather than on a specific system? perhaps. is it because it speaks to the technonerd audience directly and the examples are all based on work experiences nate relates to directly? maybe. is it because o'reilly is the publisher and this is one in a series of technonerd books that are revered, and yep, there's another woodland creature on the cover? could be. i won't argue with any of this. the author gets right to his points, he appears knowledgeable and humorous, and kept my attention through the introduction. i especially appreciated his brief section about how to spend newly found time, suggesting all sorts of activities to get the technonerd away from the desk and out into the rest of the world. kudos. extra super duper brownie points for end of the book suggestions of ways to lead a life broader than the nearest laptop.

so nate's been reading, taking notes, and starting to take names in his own work task list. it's nice to see. and i am reminded that i should bring that own focus back into my own tasks. now would be a good time, so i don't let pretty sparkly diversions distract me from the things i most want: shared experiences with my near and dear, some moments to reflect each day, and time for unplanned amusements without feeling guilty for choosing adventures over obligations.

i'm spinning: erik friendlander's "block ice and propane"
i'm reading: barbara kingsolver's "animal, vegetable, miracle"

4 years young

today nate and i celebrate four years of each other's company. we are planning a dinner out.

four more years!

that is a pretty great phrase to yell. i may try it out at home later tonight.